Happy Grump-Butt Day

Today was one of those days. By the time 5:00 rolled around and Grant came home, I had officially been declared a grump-butt. So Grant took Hallie to the store and I got a much needed half-hour to go to the bathroom by myself, and then sit and waste time on facebook. When Hallie and Grant returned he sent her into the family room with these Tulips (my favorite), coaching her to say "happy grump-butt day Mamma".

I love being a Mom. I honestly feel that the first year of Hallie's life I had a relatively easy time dealing with the changes that first time parenthood brought into my life, but I will say the past 2-3 months have been hard. I feel as though I have hit the wall. When I talk with friends it always seems that they had a hard time with the first year. The first baby turns their life upside down, and they beg for the assurance that it gets better. I would always try to be sympathetic to these people, but really never understood what they were talking about or where they were coming from. I loved the first year, my biggest worry was how quickly the time was passing. The first 4 months of Hallie's life I would have been completely content to never leave my house and just sit inside and snuggle my sweet baby. People began to think I was depressed because I never wanted to go out or have people over, but really it was the exact opposite. I was the happiest I'd ever been in my whole life. I wanted to spend every second soaking it all up, the two people I loved most in the world, Grant and Hallie. I didn't want to share them, or our time with anyone else. I actually hated it when people would ask to hold Hallie because I felt like I was loosing the precious little time I had with her as a new baby, she was just going to grow up too fast. Well I was right, the first year did go by way too fast, and now all of the sudden I feel like I am really struggling with day-to-day motherhood. I spend my days with the cutest tyrant in the whole world. She rules our home with an iron fist. What Hallie wants, Hallie gets- and if I try to hold out and set limits she screams, and shrieks, and and stomps her feet, all while signing "more" which she seems to think means "I want it". The past three months have been a blur of sickness, temper-tantrums, and teething. In January she started waking up between 5:30 am and 6:30 am every morning so we decided it must be time for her to go down to one nap a day. Before she would sleep for 1 1/2 hours in the morning , and then 2 hours in the afternoon. Now she is sleeping 45 min-1 1/2 hours total for the whole day. She is grumpy all afternoon because she didn't sleep long enough, but when we try to put her back in her crib to sleep she just screams (this is coming from a mom who is a big advocate of making your kids cry-it-out), to the point that I feel hopeless that her crying will ever turn into a longer nap. She is a very strong willed kid. Our afternoons seem endless as she wakes-up with 4 hours left before Grant comes home each night. Have you ever tried entertaining a grumpy 15 month old for 4 hours? We try to get out and play with friends as often as possible, but it has been hard as Hallie's nap schedule doesn't line up with friends whose kids all seem take normal naps. I thought I was used to going with the flow, I thought I understood that once you got one stage figured out it would change and you'd be on to something new. I have never felt so overwhelmed at the beginning of each day, hoping that somehow this will be the day that we figure it all out, her nap works, and she wakes up the happy nice girl that we know she can be. In the mean time I will try to keep the grump-butt days to a minimum, and pray that I figure out the secret to "wrangling" this girl, sooner than later. I really do love being a Mom, some times are just harder than others. Someday I'll have a clean house and get to take a shower or use the bathroom by myself, until then I'll I'll try to start savoring this time with Hallie like I did her first year. I'm sure I will blink and this time will be over - good and bad.
I'm done venting now.